(9 times out of 10, I’m always listening to introspective instrumentals when alone with my thoughts. I really love to write journal entries while listening to this kind of music. Here’s the song I wrote this entry to: https://open.spotify.com/track/4WJdv3cPHOv9jrqKayELZ8?si=e9d747b01dec40ce )
There are a lot of things that don’t tend to get under my skin, but there’s always that one thing that’s impossible to ignore. My ignorance —I hate feeling ignorant. It makes me feel vulnerable and exposed to the reality that I can damage something important and fragile like someone else’s story.
I didn’t realize how much I didn’t know about South Africa’s history until I began questioning the demographics around me in Sea Point. I never knew that Cape Town had a history of slavery —let alone what Apartheid entailed. I only heard Nelson Mandela’s name mentioned in passing while growing up in the Chicago suburbs school system.
While I know I can always take time to inform myself about my gaps in knowledge in this particular area, I feel a little afraid that I might fail to understand the many different experiences and perspectives that shape South Africa’s history, and I feel even more pressure to not apply misunderstandings or oversimplifications to our short film project.
That fear has made me think differently about responsibility and the consequences of getting things wrong. I’ve had so many opportunities in my life to have “do-overs”. In my high school mock trial team, I had the opportunity to redo the same case in court week after week, and eventually master the content and story to present the most compelling story to the jury. On my basketball team, I’ve had the chance to redeem our season’s record with another game right around the corner. In various areas in my life, I’ve enjoyed the privilege of “do-overs”. With the documentary that we will be making, I’m realizing that I can’t afford to rely on such a privilege because real lives are involved in this story. I’m scared that my ignorance might find its way into the story —not because I’m unwilling to learn, but because learning about a place and truly understanding it are not the same thing.
with love,
Kehinde