I have always been obsessed with quotes. When I was younger, I had a quote jar; I would print out any quote that caught my attention, roll it up and then place it into a jar that sat on the top of our book shelf. For a good chunk of elementary and middle school, I would also include quotes in birthday cards I made for family and friends. Card making was a way for me to look through my pile of quotes; I tried my hardest to match whatever quotes that were in my quote jar to the person I was making the card for. Fret not, I still collect quotes, though my process of collecting is quite dull. Now I just pull out my phone and take a photo.
Yesterday, during my unexpected mindless reddit search, I came across a quote from writer Haruki Murakami. “People’s memories are maybe the fuel they burn to stay alive.” I read it over a couple of times and deemed the quote worthy for my collection. While I am a proponent of free will, I felt as though finding the quote on this particular Sunday was an act of fate. Just a couple of hours before the revelation, I was having a pre interview with <redacted> (for Joanthan’s grading sake). I feel like pre interview is the wrong word in this case because what started out as a pre interview developed into a fluid conversation. We stayed at Doppio Cafe for over two hours, chatting, stories being told back and forth. I truly got to see <redacted> (once assignment three is graded, I will go back and edit this post with the individual’s name!) in a new light. We connected with each other by telling about our pasts.
I feel like this embodies Murakami’s quote so well. I have made this new memory, felt in the present during my conversation with <redacted> by sharing my past memories. Because to me being alive is synonymous to being truly present in the now moment, I was quite literally “burning” memories to keep the now moment, the moment of engaging conversation, flowing. This thought comes full circle when I think about the fact that this memory that I have now created with <redacted> might be used in the future to keep myself in that present.
It is fun to think about how we are always in the process of creating new memories while also connecting with others, embodying what it means to be alive, by sharing past ones. That same day, after my mom did not allow me to go paragliding because of the off chance that something would go awry, she was brainstorming about us making memories together in the future. She told me that she would allow me to paraglide if I did it with her because according to her logic, if something did happen to go awry, it would be better if it happened to both of us. She said that she would prefer if we died together than her living after my death. Such an extreme case though! Aside from the morbidity, I was thinking about how us planning to go paragliding together in the future, would serve as Murakami’s “fuel” when we actually do. We can reminisce and talk about our past brainstorming as a form of connection after the paragliding event. In this hypothetical case, we would be making a memory by using the fuel from a past memory.
Maybe to elevate my quote collecting, I should take note from my past self. Maybe the quote jar will be revived.
*This quote from Haruki Murakami might have also stuck out to me because I was already familiar with Murakami’s works. In my senior year literature class, we had to write an extensive paper on a novel of our choosing. I chose to do mine on Invisible Man by Ralph Ellison and my friend, Shoon, chose to do a deep dive into Murakami’s Hard-Boiled Wonderland and the End of the World. Since then, I have had the novel on my To Be Read list.